Have you been in a relationship where you feel the connection is off but you can’t let them go. You fight. You feel lonely and leave. Then in a week you go right back. If your answer is Yes, well welcome to the club. If your answer is no, I only have a quote to express my feelings:
I don’t like
people who have never fallen or
stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it
isn’t of much value. Life hasn’t revealed
it’s beauty to them.
Some relationships are incredibly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience, without considering the traits necessary to build a successful bond with another person, important traits like unwavering support and shared trust and loving encouragement.
When a relationship is birthed out of convenience or proximity or chemistry alone, it is bound to fail. We need more than a person’s physical presence to maintain a meaningful connection, but we routinely keep people around because … well, simply because they’re already around.
It’s easy to develop a connection with someone who’s always there—even when they’re not adding any real value to our lives. And it’s even easier to stay in those relationships. That’s because old relationships are convenient, and starting new relationships is difficult—it requires work. But so does anything worth holding on to.
We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. And most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who does not add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back to the relationship. Someone who contributes very little and prevents us from growing. Someone who constantly plays the victim. His name in my life is SDD. He is so emotionally draining.
You see victims become victimizers. And these people are dangerous. They keep us from feeling fulfilled. They keep us from living meaningful lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity—they define us, they become who we are. We become co-dependent on the negative lifestyle.
We can stop the cycle and rid ourselves of negative relationships.
1. you can attempt to fix the relationship. .
Sit down with the person who’s draining the vitality from your life and explain to them what must change in order for your relationship to work. Explain that you need them to be more supportive, that you need them to participate in your growth, that they are important to you, but the relationship in its current state does not make you happy. Explain that you’re not attempting to change them as a person; you simply want to change how your relationship works..
2. End it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship: family, friends, lovers, coworkers, acquaintances. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it—I must move on.”
It’s OK to move on. You owe it to yourself to move on. You owe it to yourself to be happy with the relationships you have. You are in control.
Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun and be happy and contribute beyond yourself. These are the meaningful relationships we all need.
This is the art of letting go.