lets define forgiveness—->
- The term ‘forgive’ derives from ‘give’ or to ‘grant’, as in ‘to give up,’ or ‘cease to harbor (resentment, wrath).’ More specifically, ‘forgive’ refers to the act of giving up a feeling, such as resentment, or a compensation. And the term ‘forgiveness’ is defined as the action of forgiving, pardoning of a fault, remission of a debt, and similar responses to injury, wrongdoing, or obligation.
- Forgiveness, as Jesus did on the cross when he was slandered and crucified. Jesus’ agonizing words from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,”
- Forgiveness. . . By choosing to forgive, we choose intentionally not to perpetuate the cycle of violence and revenge.
- Gandhi once said that “an eye for an eye leaves both eyes blind.” Forgiveness allows us to replace “an eye for an eye” with “an eye for a heart.”
- Forgiveness does not mean that we cannot or should not defend ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean that we condone destructive behavior. Forgiveness does not even mean that we must reconcile ourselves with the perpetrator. Forgiveness means that we
take stock of what has happened, we grieve our losses, and we deliberately make the world a better place by not repaying violence for violence.
- We commit ourselves to releasing our own grudges and grievances and to teach our parishes to do so as well.
- Finally, we commit to learn how to forgive; whether that is through prayer or to partner with those who have proven methods so that forgiveness becomes more common in this world than anger and revenge.
As you may have noticed forgiveness is an extremely complex term/emotion. Is it ever possible to fully forgive, as forgiveness is stated above.
I know women who have been in relationships, in which, infidelity, deception and betrayal were committed, as we all know it is not an easy thing to overcome. But, most I have noticed were able to stay with their significant other (husband/boyfriend). I have also noticed that TRUE forgiveness was not apart of their relationship. There relationships seem destructive to themselves. There is the public fighting, deriding him to their friends, sleepless nights. The only way to overcome this is reconciliation. There must be reconciliation!!! If you are injured by the other, one could say that you two are pushed part by the injury, so to simply become friendly with one another, you all must repair the gap by reconciliation: coming from the Latin words “again” and “conciliare” meaning “to bring together”.
The act of reconciliation involves two parts: forgiveness and penance!!!!!!
Forgiveness can be difficult for many people simply because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is. All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation, a larger process of which forgiveness is but one part. And all too often, reconciliation fails. So what does that do to your ability to forgive?
In this world you will likely come across many persons who refuse to make penance for their injurious acts.
You, as the victim, can still forgive anyone, forgiveness does not involve letting the person off the hook, or does your forgiving someone mean that you must be reconciled with that person . . . forgiveness is always your choice.
There can be one major psychological complication in regard to
You cannot forgive someone until you have fully felt the pain they have caused you
“Imagine the person who says, “I’m at peace with what happened. I’m OK with it. Actually, it doesn’t even bother me. But my life is still miserable. What do I do now?”
If you find yourself in this position, in effect saying, “No, it doesn’t bother me. . . but I’m still miserable,” it is a good psychological clue that there is still something missing. Usually, this means that you’re still denying your unconscious anger and resentment, so even though you think you’ve come to terms with what happened, there are still emotions about the event which you have pushed out of awareness. In fact, many people can get caught up in this premature forgiveness as a way to avoid coping with all the unpleasant emotions they would rather not examine.
This can be extremely frustrating because unconscious resentments are essentially invisible to logic and reason. Because they represent things you would rather not see, they can be discovered only indirectly—such as when they continue to cause discomfort even though it seems that everything should be OK.
“So remember that if anyone has ever hurt you, you don’t find forgiveness, you give it.”
By Choosing to Forgive, We Choose Not to Perpetuate Cycle of Revenge. Contributors: Lyndon Harris – author. Magazine Title: Anglican Journal. Volume: 132. Issue: 7. Publication Date: September 2006. Page Number: 15. © 2006 Anglican Church of Canada. Provided by ProQuest LLC. All Rights Reserved.(Harris 15)