Big Sex Survey.
WHILE some women say that over the years their relationship becomes like a pair of comfy slippers, others claim to be swinging from the chandeliers well into middle age.
What’s really going on in the bedrooms.
To take part in the biggest-ever sex survey, simply answer the questions below
DR MIRIAM SAYS: “As a mature woman you have the experience and wisdom to give a valuable insight into how priorities change as we get older, and what contributes most to health, happiness and fulfilment – both as a woman and as a partner.”
1 Which age band do you fall into?
DR MIRIAM SAYS: “It is important to keep the channels of communication open in a relationship. This part is about how you and your partner talk to each other: how easy it is to raise any issues, how inhibited you feel about sensitive subjects, and how sure you are to get a sympathetic hearing if you raise a problem. It’s also about talking to close friends.”
1 AS you’ve grown older, on a scale of 1-5, where 1 is much easier and 5 is much harder, how has your attitude to talking about sensitive subjects, such as your sexual needs, changed?
1 2 3 4 5
2 ARE you more of a willing listener than when you were younger, for example, when your partner comes home with a problem?
The same as when I was younger
3 AFTER all these years, what sensitive subjects, if any, do you feel too inhibited to discuss?
I feel comfortable talking about all issues
My sexual performance
My partner’s sexual performance
4 DO you and your partner talk comfortably about his sexual needs and performance?
5 WHICH other people do you feel able to talk to about your sexual needs, possibly more than your partner?
Just my partner
DR MIRIAM SAYS: “As we mature, I think it’s interesting to see the way our attitudes change towards the act of sex, and how it may become more or less important to us to be sexually fulfilled in the usual sense.
“Maybe we can now feel satisfied without actually having sex, because other things have started to give us that same sense of fulfilment. This section explores that part of you.”
1 AS you get older, what other things could you do with your partner that could fulfil you almost as much as sex? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)
Enjoy a romantic dinner together
Have a conversation and really listen to one another
Hold hands in the street
Breakfast in bed
Carry out a thoughtful act
A kind act
A generous act
2 CAN you feel sexually satisfied with your partner without full sex?
3 WHAT are the most important aspects of sex to you now? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)
Being loving with each other
Kisses and cuddles
Holding each other close
4 HOW do you vary your approach to sex to fit in with your changing needs?
Different times of day
Taking more time
Trying sensual massage
5 HOW much of an impact would it have if you never had sex again?
I’d be devastated
I’d be upset
It wouldn’t make any difference
I’d be content
I’d be happy
DR MIRIAM SAYS: “It’s rare for a couple to see eye to eye about sex, even during the first flush of falling in love.
“As we grow older, differences may open up that aren’t easy to resolve for all kinds of reasons. This part explores your approach to those differences.”
1 IF your sex drives are different, do you try to accommodate each other?
2 IF your partner doesn’t engage sexually with you or can’t maintain an erection, what goes through your mind? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)
It’s my fault
He no longer finds me attractive
Maybe he’s having an affair
3 AS you’ve got older, has the menopause changed your approach to sex?
It has increased my sex drive
It has reduced my sex drive
It has made no difference
4 IF your partner had difficulty maintaining an erection, would you want him to try a medical treatment for it?
5 ARE you aware that difficulty in getting an erection can mean a man may have more serious underlying health problems?
6 WHAT diseases are you aware of that are linked to erectile dysfunction? (Tick as many boxes as appropriate)
High blood pressure
7 AS you get older, has your ability to achieve an orgasm changed?
It has improved in intensity
It has improved in satisfaction
It has decreased in intensity
It has decreased in satisfaction
No change in orgasm over time
Orgasm is not as important as it used to be
8 IF your partner used an erectile dysfunction treatment, would you find it embarrassing?
Yes No Don’t know
9 WHEN your children left home, did you find that this changed you and your partner’s approach to sex?
It increased our sexual activity
It reduced our sexual activity
It made no difference
DR MIRIAM SAYS: “One aspect of our sexuality that interests me is how we find different ways to express intimacy as we mature, such as hugging and touching. How do you feel about that?”
1 DOES sex itself have a lower priority for you and your happiness than it used to?
Same as when I was younger
2 IS it because other forms of intimacy mean as much to you as sex once did?
3 DO you think about sex as often as you used to?
4 IF you don’t often think about sex, does it bother you?
5 IF not, why is that? (Tick as many boxes as appropriate)
You feel you express your sexuality in other ways
Sex has been overtaken by other things
Sex isn’t as important to you
You get less out of sex
You don’t want sex as much now
Your partner’s gone off sex
You’re just too tired
6 DOES sex mean so much to you as a sexual being that you’d help your partner solve his sex difficulties?
“I hope some of the questions have helped you find a new way of looking at yourself as a sexual being. So can I just ask you to answer a few more questions about that?”
- Sex, Pleasure and Orgasm: How Much is Mind, How Much is Body? (psychologytoday.com)