Go RED at the House of Blues with ONE!

Please come and Join Us on TUESDAY NOV. 30, 2010 at

TheHouse of Blues, HOUSTON,TX

The Red Ribbon is the international symbol of support for people living with HIV. In commemoration of World AIDS Day, come to the House of Blues in Houston to learn more about ONE and add your name to the hundreds of thousands around the world who are working to make sure that all babies are born healthy and HIV-free.

ONE’s latest video highlights something remarkable: We now know how to stop the HIV virus from passing from a mother to her child — and we can prevent any baby from being born with HIV.

ONE is a grassroots advocacy and campaigning organization that fights extreme poverty and preventable disease, particularly in Africa, by raising public awareness and pressuring political leaders to support smart and effective policies and programs that are saving lives, helping to put kids in school and improving futures.

Why do Eves dislike Eves?

Could some one please explain to me why women do not like other women?

We have all heard of this question before, and received so many answer but it just seems like those answers never satisfies my thirst. I have heard of psychological approaches to this question, street approaches ” Bitches just be hating”, but what is it all about? It seems like women can never be happy for one another, and even if they try there is an underlying desire for them to fail. It’s like wishing them good luck but trying to tarnish their name while saying it. She is killing two birds with one stone: trying to look like the adult to others, while trying to destroy to herself. I love women and I love being a women but sometimes I do get these malicious urges! You what I hate more than anything that comes out of women’s mouth: “She’s just jealous of me”! Is that something you wish? I think people who love to scream that, are women who are covered in perspiration made from jealousy.

Here are some reasons:

1. Women feel that their biological prime-time is limited. She can easily be replaced by a new younger, more beautiful woman. Youth is a woman’s fair-weathered friend.

2. Women feel that other women control their man’s sexual fidelity.

3. Women feel that their level or degree of physical beauty is based on luck as opposed to something that she controls.

4. Women feel that other women can take something that they have worked hard to earn by using their beauty on the job, school and the legal system because men will be taken by her beauty.

5. Women feel that other women can not be trusted. They gossip too much, they are phony and they would take your man right before your eyes.

6. Women feel that other women divert attention away from them.

7. Women feel psychologically competitive with other women to be more attractive.

8. Women subconsciously believe that if they merely looked like another woman, they could inherit her life, her diamond, her man, and people would look at her with the same admiration.

Have you ever started a new job and all the women dislike, or give you a hard time? This tends to happen to me a lot. Once, they get to know me, they warm up and now our work relations are okay. I have never been that women to give the new girl an extra hard time.

I believe that WOMEN HATERS are simply insecure!

Okay while I’m writing I might as well continue right… SWITCHING SUBJECTS SLIGHTlY

Why do women call other women, whom their men are sleeping with and  cuss them out. Who is that benefiting? Are you not suppose to be upset with the cheater, i.e you MAN, not a random women who knew nothing about you? UGHHHHHHH. . .  this one really gets me going. If I have every had a problem with an ex of mine, I went directly to the source, HIM!  This obviously is linked to EVES HATING EVES.



Prince and lady on terrace at night

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 Big Sex Survey.


WHILE some women say that over the years their relationship becomes like a pair of comfy slippers, others claim to be swinging from the chandeliers well into middle age.

What’s really going on in the  bedrooms.

To take part in the biggest-ever sex survey, simply answer the questions below

DR MIRIAM SAYS: “As a mature woman you have the experience and wisdom to give a valuable insight into how priorities change as we get older, and what contributes most to health, happiness and fulfilment – both as a woman and as a partner.”

1 Which age band do you fall into?










DR MIRIAM SAYS: “It is important to keep the channels of communication open in a relationship. This part is about how you and your partner talk to each other: how easy it is to raise any issues, how inhibited you feel about sensitive subjects, and how sure you are to get a sympathetic hearing if you raise a problem. It’s also about talking to close friends.”

1 AS you’ve grown older, on a scale of 1-5, where 1 is much easier and 5 is much harder, how has your attitude to talking about sensitive subjects, such as your sexual needs, changed?

1 2 3 4 5

2 ARE you more of a willing listener than when you were younger, for example, when your partner comes home with a problem?

Yes No

The same as when I was younger

Don’t know

3 AFTER all these years, what sensitive subjects, if any, do you feel too inhibited to discuss?

I feel comfortable talking about all issues


My sexual performance

My partner’s sexual performance


4 DO you and your partner talk comfortably about his sexual needs and performance?



5 WHICH other people do you feel able to talk to about your sexual needs, possibly more than your partner?

Close friend

Family member


Just my partner


No one


DR MIRIAM SAYS: “As we mature, I think it’s interesting to see the way our attitudes change towards the act of sex, and how it may become more or less important to us to be sexually fulfilled in the usual sense.

“Maybe we can now feel satisfied without actually having sex, because other things have started to give us that same sense of fulfilment. This section explores that part of you.”

1 AS you get older, what other things could you do with your partner that could fulfil you almost as much as sex? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)

Enjoy a romantic dinner together

Have a conversation and really listen to one another

Hold hands in the street

Breakfast in bed

Carry out a thoughtful act

A kind act

A generous act

Exercise together


2 CAN you feel sexually satisfied with your partner without full sex?

Yes No

3 WHAT are the most important aspects of sex to you now? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)



Being loving with each other

Kisses and cuddles

Holding each other close




4 HOW do you vary your approach to sex to fit in with your changing needs?

Different times of day

Different places

Taking more time

Trying sensual massage


5 HOW much of an impact would it have if you never had sex again?

I’d be devastated

I’d be upset

It wouldn’t make any difference

I’d be content

I’d be happy


DR MIRIAM SAYS: “It’s rare for a couple to see eye to eye about sex, even during the first flush of falling in love.

“As we grow older, differences may open up that aren’t easy to resolve for all kinds of reasons. This part explores your approach to those differences.”

1 IF your sex drives are different, do you try to accommodate each other?

Yes No

2 IF your partner doesn’t engage sexually with you or can’t maintain an erection, what goes through your mind? (Please tick as many boxes as appropriate)

It’s my fault

He no longer finds me attractive

Maybe he’s having an affair


3 AS you’ve got older, has the menopause changed your approach to sex?

It has increased my sex drive

It has reduced my sex drive

It has made no difference


4 IF your partner had difficulty maintaining an erection, would you want him to try a medical treatment for it?

Yes No

5 ARE you aware that difficulty in getting an erection can mean a man may have more serious underlying health problems?

Yes No

6 WHAT diseases are you aware of that are linked to erectile dysfunction? (Tick as many boxes as appropriate)

Heart disease



High blood pressure



Not aware

7 AS you get older, has your ability to achieve an orgasm changed?

It has improved in intensity

It has improved in satisfaction

It has decreased in intensity

It has decreased in satisfaction

No change in orgasm over time

Orgasm is not as important as it used to be


8 IF your partner used an erectile dysfunction treatment, would you find it embarrassing?

Yes No Don’t know

9 WHEN your children left home, did you find that this changed you and your partner’s approach to sex?

It increased our sexual activity

It reduced our sexual activity

It made no difference



DR MIRIAM SAYS: “One aspect of our sexuality that interests me is how we find different ways to express intimacy as we mature, such as hugging and touching. How do you feel about that?”

1 DOES sex itself have a lower priority for you and your happiness than it used to?

Yes No

Same as when I was younger

2 IS it because other forms of intimacy mean as much to you as sex once did?

Yes No

3 DO you think about sex as often as you used to?

Yes No

4 IF you don’t often think about sex, does it bother you?

Yes No

5 IF not, why is that? (Tick as many boxes as appropriate)

You feel you express your sexuality in other ways

Sex has been overtaken by other things

Sex isn’t as important to you

You get less out of sex

You don’t want sex as much now

Your partner’s gone off sex

You’re just too tired


6 DOES sex mean so much to you as a sexual being that you’d help your partner solve his sex difficulties?

Yes No


“I hope some of the questions have helped you find a new way of looking at yourself as a sexual being. So can I just ask you to answer a few more questions about that?”

Interracial Relationships: Still deemed inappropriate?

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Image by irina slutsky via Flickr

The question of the day: Are interracial relationships still deemed inappropriate in society?

-lets confine it to American society.

Well according to the book “Inappropriate Relationships: The Unconventional, the Disapproved & the Forbidden” by Robin Goodwin, {published in 2002, so eight years ago which is roughly current} “Interracial relationships. . . interethnic relationships are. . . “inappropriate” in America”.  ‘Nevertheless, the negative impact of societal disapproval on intermarriage seems to be magnified within interracial relationships ‘
In this book they look at the “historical and contemporary circumstances that have allowed “old-fashioned” and “modern”alike (see Dovidio & Gaertner, 1991) to deem interracial dating and marital relationships—especially Black—White dating and marital relationships—as “inappropriate.” Specifically, we examine the processes by which stigmatization (i.e., the marking of individuals as inferior by virtue of their membership in socially devalued groups; Goffman, 1963) simultaneously affect nonstigmatized and stigmatized individuals alike. We focus primarily on the United States, partly because virtually all of the published research on interethnic marriage is based on U. S. samples (especially U. S. census sample data; e.g., Blackwell & Lichter, 2000; Crowder & Tolnay, 2000; Hwang, Saenz, & Aguirre, 1997; Lee & Fernandez, 1998), and partly because Black—White intermarriage rates in the United States are among the lowest for all Western nations (Pettigrew, 1988). Furthermore, we focus primarily on Black—White romantic relationships, partly because the Black—White dichotomy underlies most of the race-based empirical studies on stigmatization (see Jones et al., 1984), and partly because most of the published research on interethnic marriages has dealt specifically with Black—White marriages (Blackwell & Lichter, 2000) 
-Of course we must look at history to find  answers-
The United States Congress never explicitly outlawed miscegenation. Nevertheless, 37 of the 50 states had antimiscegenation laws at some time, 22 of the 37 states with antimiscegenation laws focused solely on Black—White marriage, and 29 of the states had antimiscegenation laws throughout most of their history.
 The legacy of antimiscegenation laws helped solidify antimiscegenation attitudes among White Americans. It was only after state antimiscegenation laws were abolished within a larger environment that fostered tremendous social change, such as the Civil Rights Movement and the liberalization of immigration laws, that antimiscegenation attitudes began to change (Lee & Fernandez, 2000). For example, in 1970 (a few years after the aforementioned Loving v. Virginia decision), 52% of White Americans supported antimiscegenation laws; by 1990 , only 23% of White Americans supported antimiscegenation laws (Tucker & Mitchell-Kernan, 1995). We hasten to add that the lack of support for antimiscegenation laws does not necessarily reflect tolerance for interracial marriage; in 1991, 66% of White Americans said that they would oppose marriage between their close relatives and Black Americans (Pinkney, 1993).
American society is patriarchal, and “father figures” disproportionately are personified by White males. By and large, White males in the United States have shaped the prism through which interracial romance is viewed. For instance, White male—Black female romantic relationships generally have been deemed as less “inappropriate” than have Black male—White female relationships (Gaines & Ickes, 1997). When a White male dates or marries a Black female, no fundamental change in power within the American social structure is perceived as taking place. In contrast, when a White female dates or marries a Black male, the Black male often is perceived asattaining higher social status (i.e., the White woman is viewed as the Black man’s “prize,” stolen from the more deserving White man).
In contrast, most persons of color do not say that interracial marriage is inappropriate. Even among Black Americans, who are less likely to marry across racial boundaries, Furthermore, at no time in the history of the United States has a majority of Black Americans supported state antimiscegenation laws (National Research Council, 1989).

Who says they Interracial Relationships are Appropriate

This is an excerpt of Slim Thugs Interview with Vibe, quite controversial:
 “My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the sh*t that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy a** sh*t…White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that sh*t. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m f*cking with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that motherf*ckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood. Black peoples’ mentality is real f*cked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything…Black women need to be more genuine and be more 50/50 [but] It should be a fair exchange in a relationship period or eventually somebody is gonna feel like they’re getting f*cked over whether it’s the woman or the man. I think that will help Black relationships out a lot.” (VIBE)
———————>Not a well versed opinion but none-the-less, an opinion, here’s research <—————- 


The Pew Research Center’s recent report on racial attitudes in the U.S., finds that an overwhelming majority of Millennials, regardless of race, say they would be fine with a family member’s marriage to someone of a different racial or ethnic group. Asked about particular groups to which they do not belong, Millennials are about equally accepting of marriage to someone in any of the groups tested: Roughly nine-in-ten say they would be fine with a family member’s marriage to an African American (88%), a Hispanic American (91%), an Asian American (93%) or a white American (92%).


More than any other type of social contact that crosses the “color line,” interracial marriage symbolizes social equality among the races (Fang, Sidanius, & Pratto, 1998; Hwang et al., 1997
Without a doubt, American society maintains a taboo against interracial marriage. This taboo is evident in popular culture. Just as antimiscegenation laws guided most of the United States at one point, so too did the Hays Office Code, which prohibited implicit or explicit depictions of miscegenation in motion pictures, guide Hollywood prior to World War II (Guerrero, 1993). Even in the years during and after the Civil Rights Era, the American motion picture industry rarely has dealt with Black—White romance—and in those few exceptions, Black—White romance has been depicted either as marriage without sex (e.g., Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner ? in 1967) or as sex without marriage (e.g., Jungle Fever in 1991; see Gates, 1991).
I could care less about interracial relationships, who ever I fall for, will be my partner. But, he reality maintains that interracial dating is a taboo for certain cultures and races. Through times, opinions become more lax. My issue is choosing someone just because of their skin color. Such as Slim Thugs opinion

10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Relationships

Symbol of the planet and Roman goddess Venus, ...

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 10 biggest mistakes women make in relationships

 by Nicole Walker


I found a wonderful article; I thought I would share it with you EVES and Ladies!!!

Check for my added comments!! (In, of course, orange)

 Ladies lets play a Game!!

The numbers on the left in green represent how many apply to you and the percentages on the right in purple represents your precentage of your past or current relationships you’ve made big mistakes!

1-2 8.76-17.54%

3-5  = 26.28- 43.80%  <——- I land right about here

5-7 = 43.81-61.32%

7-9  = 61.33- 78.84%

10+   = 87.60%

Jealousy, mistrust, apathy, selfishness, poor communication, abuse, irreconcilable differences–the reasons relationships fail are many, and all too often the remedies for an ailing romance are few. While no surefire solution exists to guarantee that you and yours will make it last forever, relationship experts say that your chances at finding lasting romance are good if you avoid the 10 biggest mistakes Black (I would not limit this to black women. Why are there so many articles about sistas making mistakes?)Women make in relationships.

Based on the experts’ responses, and an informal survey of Sisters (and Brothers), the top 10 mistakes are:


Sometimes Sisters can get so hung up over what a man has, and what he doesn’t have, that they often miss out on a wonderful relationship. “We don’t have our priorities straight on our Good Man Wish Lists,” writes Denene Millner, author of The Sistahs’ Rules: Secrets for Meeting, Getting, and Keeping a Good Black Man. “We lead it off with superficial characteristics we think our man should have–like a gorgeous face and the body of a god–and in the process eliminate the all right-looking men who, if we gave them half a chance, could be absolutely good to and for us.” (I’m not sure if sistas are so much worried about the physical but the amount in his pocket, of course you want to be attracted to you mate)

Of course, there is recognizing a good man in spite of whether or not he has Denzel’s face, Tyson’s body and an equally attractive bank account (Cha Ching), and then there is settling for something altogether less than the best, just for the sake of having a mate (I think this is a good point that many research does not include when it comes to mistakes that women make). Julia A. Boyd, a psychotherapist and author of Embracing the Fire: Sisters Talk About Sex and Relationships, says that an “unspoken code,” which says Sisters have to be with someone because that’s what everyone expects, often leads many women to date the wrong men.

One thing I’ve noticed is that there is such a frenzy to have a relationship, to have a man on our arm, to meet this unspoken code,” Boyd says, “that we fail to look at the signs that say, `This may not be the best person for me.'”

Another mistake Sisters make is looking for love in men who are strictly off-limits. Women who knowingly and readily date married or committed men should prepare themselves for many a night, weekend and holiday alone because his primary relationship will come first. Even if he tells you that you’re the one he really wants to be with, experts say that in most cases, he’ll never let go off his main squeeze. But on the off chance that he does leave his wife or girlfriend, how could you possibly trust him to remain faithful to you? (I only know one women who has put herself in this situation, and I’m still not sure why one would set themselves up for failure and pain)

Some Sisters also do themselves a serious disservice by developing fatal attractions–desiring a man so badly that they do practically anything to get him and keep him, either committing acts that compromise their values and morals or wasting their time pining away for a man who isn’t the least bit interested in them. Like the movie which shares the same name, a fatal attraction almost always ends in tragedy. Don’t be a Thelma Frye, carrying a torch for that Reuben who neither wants you nor deserves you. Boyd says that women either have to make choices in their relationships that will give them a level of dignity or live to regret their decisions. (Sadly, I have witnessed so many women throw themselves at men who would never have them, sleepless nights and obsessing over a relationship that will never happen, these type of women will do anything to gain their attention (cook meals, clean, pay bills, sexual acts that are uncomfortable) for a moment, but when that moment passes, their back at square one, obsessing till the next time)


So he drinks, smokes, swears, doesn’t like church or children, and nibbles his fingernails. But that’s okay, because once I get with him, he’ll change–famous last words spoken by Sisters once they realize all the kisses in the world won’t make a prince out of a toad. “We say, `I knew he had a drinking problem, but I thought I could fix him,'” Boyd says about women who con themselves into thinking they can correct whatever undesirable characteristics are present in their mates. “We can’t fix another person. We have to get over the idea we can fix everything that’s wrong.” (He will never change, period)

No matter how much a woman wishes, begs, cajoles or threatens a man to conform to her vision of perfection, he won’t change unless he wants to change. If he’s comfortable with the way he is, experts say you should be too. Otherwise, save yourself years of frustration and kiss your froggie good-bye. (Why not wait for the right guy in the beginning, and save yourself from the extra work)


The evil twin of the Savior Complex is the Cinderella Syndrome. Too many women are waiting for a rich, handsome and generous prince to sweep them off their feet and whisk them away from all their financial and emotional problems to a happily ever after, while they expect to do little or nothing for him in return. Guess what? No upscale Brother in his right mind would make a commitment to a gold-digger or an emotionally needy woman who only sees him as a means to a selfish end. (Okay so this one is a big problem for all women, we grew up one Disney Movies, how we could not want to be sweep up!

  • Cinderella is a beautiful woman who cleans her house and does all of the chores that her evil stepmother (another gender bias) tells her to do. She is dependent on finding a man to come and sweep her off of her feet and save her from this terrible life. Prince Charming is of course the man to do it. He is handsome and everything that a girl could want in a guy. He is nothing short of perfect.
  • “The Little Mermaid, who is another character that I’ve had deep resentment for since childhood. Ariel, other than being in the movie responsible for rekindling popularity for the princess narrative (the last princess movie was Sleeping Beauty in 1959 [which failed to make a large profit]), gives up her voice. For legs. And a vagina. So that she can be with some guy she doesn’t know. Yeah, fuck that movie.” from http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/disney-princesses-and-feminism/ (this blog is perfectly perfect with their explanations of Disney movies and gender-0sterotypes)



Another big mistake Sisters often make is giving up the key to their bodies, hearts, apartments and finances to a man without even getting to know his real intentions for the relationship. “A lot of women fly beyond intimacy and straight into sex,” says Ernest H. Johnson, psychologist and author of Brothers on the Mend: Understanding and Healing Anger for African-American Men and Women. “It’s like the body has just taken over. And they don’t really know this man. They don’t know his values, what his needs are how he copes and thinks.” Johnson says that only time will tell whether that man is in it for the long haul, so be patient. Until then, access to your heart, your body, your wallet, and your personal business should be restricted. (If you want a true mate waiting for sexual intercourse is the best, because culturally sexual promiscuity is look down upon)


Another mistake many Sisters make in relationships is equating sex with love and intimacy. While sex can be a means for two people to express the love they have for each other, it also can be an end unto itself. Unfortunately, some women still believe that if a man sleeps with them, it means he loves them, which is not always the case. Sex and intimacy are not at all synonymous.“We know people sexually, but we don’t know them intimately,” Johnson says. “We don’t take the time to get to know what a partner really needs, what a partner really wants to feel comfortable, to feel safe–which explains why when something is going bad, we’re at a loss over what to do, how to do, and when to do.” He adds that intimacy can take many non-sexual forms. It can mean cuddling, or just telling that special someone “I love you.” (This one could be a problem for you, if you suffer from number one and four)


Expecting your current beau to mess up, cheat on you, or abandon you because that’s what your ex-husband, all your old boyfriends or your father did is unfair and sets the stage for trouble in paradise. Everyone deserves to start off a relationship with a clean slate, without the expectation of failure. Relationship experts warn that judging your man based on the bad actions of others lays the groundwork for a relationship built on doubt, insecurity and mistrust. The law of the land says all people (including men) are innocent until proven guilty, so don’t try, convict and hang him before he does something wrong. (This is something as humans we must learn to exclude from our lives and all of our relationship, not just romantic)

Democracy should not end on your doorstep.


Hell hath no fury like a Black woman scorned. Even the sweetest Sister can turn sour when sufficiently provoked. How many stories have you swapped with girlfriends about the nice little things you said or did to your significant other after he wronged you in some way, shape or form? And you must admit that some of those tales are downright frightening. If you think that scene in the movie waiting to Exhale where Bernadine made a bonfire out of her cheating husband’s BMW was just a product of the writer’s imagination, think again. Not to say that Black women just run around breaking and blowing up stuff, but we can lash out when the men we love hurt us. Experts say there’s nothing wrong with getting angry, even arguing. In fact, it’s healthy. Holding anger inside only allows it to fester until it erupts in self-destructive ways. Sisters should control their anger, and not let it control them. (Pouting drives me crazy)


Whatever you care to call it–dissin’, putting in cheek, low-rating, fronting off, downing–all the names stand for the same thing, disrespect. Countless Brothers sound like Rodney Dangerfield, complaining that they get no respect from the workplace, from society, even from the women in their lives. “As Black men,” Psychologist Johnson says, “We’re not affirmed. We’re not looked at as positive, as powerful. We’re not looked at as men. We’re looked at as cheaters, we can’t be trusted–every negative.”

If Black women and men are to engage in healthy, loving unions, relationship experts say that mutual respect is a must. Women have to find effective, loving and affirming ways of getting their point across to their men. If a Brother does something displeasing to a Sister, she should wait until she’s cooled off, and then privately discuss it with him–which means not in front of his “boys” or her girlfriends. And what they discuss between them should stay between them. Anger should never give a woman a license for disrespect. (I have nothing)


Respecting a man doesn’t mean a Sister has to be his doormat. No matter how good he looks, how important he is, and how many bouquets of roses he sends to you after one of his “episodes,” under no circumstances should you put up with either physical or emotional abuse. Bumps and bruises heal, yet emotional sears may last a lifetime. Relationship experts say women should neither make excuses for his abuse nor believe that something they did or said is to blame for his violence. The experts assure women that it’s okay for them to still love their mates, yet leave them when their safety and peace of mind becomes jeopardized. Better to be alone and alive. (This is an obvious NO, although it happens allot, some women lose their voice)


Women often find themselves in relationships that are so self-absorbing that they no longer have time for family, friends or themselves. Johnson says that when women and men start relationships with each other, they both may shut off ties with everyone else “We unrealistically tend to believe that this person is going to fulfill every need we have,” he says. “`He’s going to be my lover, my best friend; I can talk to him about anything.’ Is it fair that the boyfriend, or the spouse, should fulfill all of those needs, all of those roles?”

Also, some Sisters love their men to death. This good-intentioned woman spends practically every minute of her time doting over him, attending to his every need, spoiling him rotten. Psychotherapist Boyd says that women must learn to love themselves first. “When I love myself first, it gives me space to love my partner.” (This should have been #1, so many women drown themselves in their relationship and forget about their friends and family, all of a sudden their only emotional outlet is their significant other, which can be disastrous, on numerous levels).