How do Guise trick you? (This one is long)

Dancers

Image by masochismtango via Flickr

Okay so this one is all about me!

The question of the day:  How in the hell do Guise trick us into thinking that they are so debonair? In reality he is just a regular “Old English Sheppard”!

So there was this guy, oh my, I was so infatuated with him. He is 27, with a really nice house (Not apt), a great career (not JOB) with potential to grow, didn’t know anyone I knew ( that’s hard in Houston),  manners for days, sushi connoisseur, red wine drinker, and just educated (did not speak African American Vernacular English: AAVE).
Our first date: Starbucks, because he just wanted to talk. Second date two days later, so much fun, we went to a bar (my favorite place). Third date three days later: an amazing dinner then went to a restaurant that specializes in desserts, and then ended the night at a bar. Throughout these dates he was all over me, not looking off, completely alert to my conversation. I know it may not sound like a lot but it was great. He is a smooth guy, maybe too smooth (he bought me white rose, and said “I hope one day this white rose will turn red for love, oh goodness I know, corny but I was soo into it). So weeks go by we are still hanging out and going out, blah blah blah. Eventually I invite him to my apartment, and he is a complete gentlemen, he does not try to get fresh (you know, does not ask me to slob his knob) he just walks me in, kisses me good night and goes home. I’m like wow a keeper!
I eventually feel comfortable to go to his house, he cooks dinner, I bring the wine (Malbec) and listen to music and just being with each other (even slow dance, how lame I know but how could I resist it). I spend the night: NOTHING! Still does not try to do anything, I’m telling you this happen a few times and each time we just cuddle and fall asleep.
Christmastime:  See he is originally from Louisiana, Baton Rouge to be exact and he was going home for the holidays, I was going to see him the night before he goes back home. I was suppose to get there around 7 but he keep on delaying it because he said he was shopping, he eventually gets home around 9. I arrive around 10 sort of upset because I know that this is the last time I’ll see him until the New Year (about two in half weeks) but of course the smooth operator defuses my frustration by surprising me with a present. At that moment, it was over; I was digging him, and could not control my feelings. I stopped talking to other guys and try to focus on him. WELL that FUCKED ME!!

I don’t know what happened but the New Year comes we hangout a few more times and one day he just stops calling, does not answer my calls and disappears from the world. I’m like did he die, did he get another girlfriend? NOPE HE DIDN’T because I ran across him 7 MONTHS later in the club, acting a complete ass!!
He does not acknowledge me, which is fine because I wouldn’t want to talk to him, but if ya’ll only saw the way he was acting. The first time I see him and his grown ass is grinding on some EVE, so hard like it was his first time in a club. I was paralyzed!! But I’m Shameika and I Try to be too-cool-for-school sometimes; so I just brushed that shit off and sat down. I was with three different groups of women: 1st group: White cougars, at a round table, he sees me and walks up to one of the cougs and starts dancing on her buttocks right in front of me (so I’m thinking maybe this is just a coincidence, maybe he really likes that 38 year old booty and didn’t see me, I ignored it), then I moved around and saw some other friends. 2nd group: Some young hoochies, standing in a circle, he does the same fricking thing right in front of me, I’m like (RP) you have to be kidding me, okay I’m still cool.  3rd group: my actual friends, sexy bitches,  sitting on couches, (JS) sees him pointing but does not realize its at me, he then comes over and sits right in front of me AGAIN and tries to talk to one of the girls. HOW ANNOYING!!!  He was acting like I stopped calling him, but really you did, so weird.

First things first: Your too old to act like that in the club, literally jumping from girl to girl and humping them LITERALLY!  I wish he would have been honest from the start, maybe I might like that shit. Maybe I like humpers!  But to conceal who you are and get me caught in your web of BS is trash. He is just a dog, there is so much more I know about his dirty laundry, lets just say he keeps a lot of women around ALL the time, and I was just a pawn in his game of chess for those few months (DAMN I SOUND LAME, hahah, but I really do). He may have amazing things going on for him but he is still just a boy, trying to play a grown man’s game.  The thing is, I not even upset (anymore), I’m actually glad because he had a hold on me and now it’s over because he is a weirdo!  I wanted to bang a weirdo, SHIT I’m embarrassed!! How did RP trick me?

How do we forget what’s important?

July 2008 demonstrators

Image via Wikipedia

So I am going to write about something a little different today.

I’m talking about the social evils in this world. I am totally obsessed with how genocide happens, and powerful countries either never interfere or they swoop in too late. If you know me, you would know (MW), I have pretty much watched every single documentary, movie (good and bad), and read books on the Shoah or more commonly known as the Holocaust. There is so much information on the Shoah, I would assume that it would serve as as a lesson but some how there are still subsequent genocides. Due to the fact, that the Shoah was not in my life time, I hold the ones before me responsible to aid the hopeless, whereas, this war in Sudan has been in my lifetime and I hold myself responsible to aid those affected. The war in Sudan and Uganda has been a hidden holocaust.  Invisible Children, is an non-for-profit organization that was founded by three young men, who heroically traveled to Sudan and then Uganda on their own with a video camera purchased on eBay. This camera show the horrors of the forgotten children’s lives.  Children sleep in spaces that are smaller than your bathroom which is lit by a single candle, on a mat that is saturated in water and they still find the dedication to complete their studies every night. These children do not have parents, some have died of AIDs or others killed by the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA). These children do not cry because of the fear of death, if the LRA rebels see you cry, they kill you because you are thinking about you past, so they show no emotions (one boy said although they won’t let him show it “They don’t know what’s in my heart”, in which they will never break him). Thousands and Thousands of children are being raped and forced as child soldiers. These child soldiers are abducted and forced in the bush (jungle) and turned into a child soldier, if not raped. These fighting forces of the LRA are not voluntary, and EVERY child had been forced. The first thing they are taught is to kill and terrorize. They desensitize these children by killing others in front of them. So desensitized that one child said “I have headaches if I don’t see blood”. Their ages range from 8-14, because as we all so children are easily persuaded and brainwashed. If these children try to escape they will be tortured and killed so they leave every day killing 20 to 40 people. Some children can be as young as five, their significance is to sneak in schools and homes to abduct other children. The ones who evaded abduction are on the run every night and sleep in the streets, they are called night commuters. One child named Jacob said he would rather to die then stay on this earth. The mental state of these children, one word: Horrendous! Although this was in 2003 many things have not changed. For the current events: INVISIBLECHILDREN.com, Let’s make these children VISIBLE.

I have bought almost all of the videos that this organization has provided and I found myself today (Sept. 15) watching these same movies and documentaries over and over and over again (although I have seen them 10 plus times in the past) and wondering why have I not tried to make a change,. Instead of being caught up with matters that are so inconsequential. All I have done was donated and purchase apparel. It just gave me this disappointing sensation that jolted throughout my body and then realized I am just like the people who ignored the issues during World War II. I need to do more with my time and talents and this children gave me that reminder. Let us not forget what is really important to each of us and remember to leave a mark during your path. Find your goals, and keep you flames glowing. (Now I sound motivational)

-SM-

Casual Sex Myths

Casual-sex Myths

Cover of "The Hookup Handbook: A Single G...
Cover via Amazon

by Rachel Kramer Bussel

Casual sex gets a bad rap, even in these supposedly liberated times. While books like The Hookup Handbook: A Single Girl’s Guide to Living It Up (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2005), Brief Encounters: The Women’s Guide to Casual Sex (Vision, 2005), and My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (Bloomsbury, 2005) abound, several myths about casual sex still need to be put to rest.

Myth: People who have casual sex are selfish sluts. People who have casual sex are usually the same people who have relationships, just not at the same time. Maybe they’re between lovers, or on vacation, or just want a few hours of pleasure. Maybe, like me, they haven’t found the right person yet. If all you’re doing is fucking, it’s OK if your paramour‘s slept with half of the city, is too busy to make plans, is in another relationship, or just wouldn’t make good boyfriend or girlfriend material. Those who’ve never had casual sex were probably either lucky enough to have a constant stream of steady mates, or valiantly overcame their urges to go home with the latest hottie they met in a bar.

Myth: Casual sex is meaningless, animalistic, and only about sexual gratification. When I’ve had sex recently (which, contrary to what some may think, usually happens about once a month-if I’m lucky), it’s been with people I’m attracted to, but for various reasons couldn’t see myself in a relationship with. Yet that doesn’t mean that our sex has only been about getting off. In fact, I’ve been surprised at how profound these brief connections have proven. During one- or several-night stands, I’ve gotten a glimpse into my lovers’ minds and libidos, and have often continued friendships that go beyond sex. I usually sleep with people I truly care about, and while we may be in it for physical pleasure, that doesn’t mean I leave my heart at the bedroom door.

Myth: Casual sex Is automatically negative. Even otherwise progressive folks have a chip on their shoulders when it comes to casual sex. In an essay proudly defending Janet Jackson’s bare breast, Marianne Williamson decries the rise of hookups: “How many millions of us have learned the Hard way that casual sex can deeply wound-the heart, the soul and even the body? How … can we all be so complacent about popular comedies… that make having sex seem about as important a decision as where to go for dinner or to shop for a new pair of shoes?”

This either-or mentality argues that those who fuck outside the boundaries of relationships have no regard for anyone other than themselves. This disdain for casual sex, as if it marks the collapse of America’s moral fiber, crops up again and again (including in a note from a reader who called me “shallow” and “reckless”). But what’s wrong with lonely, horny people stealing some sexual pleasure and companionship where they can find it?

There are times when casual sex trumps relationships. I do things during hookups that I might hesitate to do with someone I’m dating. During casual flings, I don’t worry as much about what they’ll think of me afterward; it’s all about living in the moment. So when a recent lover slapped my face during sex, I didn’t launch into a mental litany of what this said about me as a feminist or potential girlfriend, or why he wanted to do it, but only took a second, after the shock wore off, to realize that I got off on it. I might not have allowed myself to enjoy his action if I thought we had a future together.

That being said, I’m not looking for another decade, or even another year, of just casual sex. I desire a relationship with someone I love, care about, respect, am compatible with, and want to fuck. But finding that perfect symbiosis isn’t easy. There are flaws and complications, and it’s much easier to forgive those quirks when you’re not planning to spend every weekend together.

I’m picky about who I fuck, but I’m even pickier about who I date, because that person has to put up with a lot. I’m grouchy and mercurial, perpetually stressed, prone to mood swings and self-doubt. I can (and want to) be a fabulous girlfriend but am not going to waste my time. In a busy town, the work of dating and meeting people is often too much trouble. Besides the potential for pain and heartbreak, scheduling dates with near-strangers in which you struggle to make conversation and assess each other isn’t as appealing as a hot no-strings night in the sack.

I have higher standards when it comes to relationships. I will offer my body much sooner than my heart, because I can walk away from casual sex, no matter how strong the connection, and not find myself crying, waiting for the phone to ring, or contemplating the other person’s mind-set. If we both agree to keep things light and friendly, low on drama and high on nakedness, there’s more short-term payoff.

With a casual hookup, it’s easier to put aside life’s daily dramas and let go in bed. I have trouble with that because in the back of my mind, I’m often thinking about a bill or a deadline, and while most of me is present, that small, anxious part can leave me too tense to fully relax. When I also have to consider my future with the person I’m fucking, not to mention how I look in any given position and what the other person is really thinking and feeling, the prospect can be daunting. I’ve spent the last year searching for someone who is worth the bother, with whom I can have mind-blowing sex and build something greater than the two of us, but every potential candidate has simply not been into me or otherwise fizzled out.

The main myth I want to dispel is that I’m cavalier about casual sex. It’s a rare treat when I find someone attractive, smart, funny, and aggressive enough to hue me into bed, so when I do, I jump on them (literally). In my last relationship, I had a connection so powerful and intense, it made almost everything after it pale in comparison. But just because I’m on the prowl for a long-term partner doesn’t mean I’m home alone humping my beloved Hitachi Magic Wand every night until I find one. My ideal is someone with whom I can blend the extreme lewdness of the best casual sex with the less racy, but perhaps more profound, promise of love, growth, and commitment. Until then, occasional, easygoing flings are an excellent second best.

-1-

Questia Media America, Inc. http://www.questia.comPublication Information: Article Title: Casual-sex Myths. Contributors: Rachel Kramer Bussel – author. Magazine Title: The Village Voice. Volume: 50. Issue: 11. Publication Date: March-March 2005. Page Number: 130. © 2005 Village Voice. Provided by ProQuest LLC. All Rights Reserved.

The Questia.com advertising network includes: Womens Forum

How many partners is just too much?

Egyptian sex

Image via Wikipedia


For some people sleeping around period is wrong. I have one friend (MW) who truly believes that sexual Intercourse should remain between two individuals who love each other and she can’t understand people who have sex causally. I think that she is a bit conservative. I on the other hand have a looser perspective of sexual intercourse. I don’t think that it is safe to have 365 different sex partners within in a year  but if you choose to, wear a condom, use birth-control, have the “B”  as a back up and then have a good time. I guess I am trying to address the individuals who have a neutral perspective on sex outside of a monogamous relationship. What I would really like to know is when does sleeping around go too far for the majority? Women and men sleep around all of the time, and it is normal, maybe not to discuss at the dinner table but it happens. Isn’t that why we have “Plan B” or the “Morning after pill”? But, what is the line between a woman who is free with her sexuality as they portray Samantha on Sex and City and a woman who is considered a whore. Same for men, if the number is finite for women it must be for men as well. So to relate with GUISE and EVES the individuals who surpass this number must be the GUISES and EVES of this story. I’m not sure what to say about this blurred line because I’m not sure if I believe there is one. I know sleeping with a different person everyday of the week sounds dangerous.  But simply choosing to have sex with whom they want is freedom. Some people just don’t have the time or energy for a relationship. I would put myself in that circle. I’m not saying I sleep around, I just saying that sex is just not that big of a deal to me. My mother would be sooooo upset if she read this!  It’s not that I would not like to have a boyfriend, I would love to, hell I’m only getting older, but this particular time on my life I’m not ready for the distractions and commitments of a boyfriend.  There are so many things that want to start, and positions I want to be in, that it only seems like a relationship would hold me back. Although, if I do meet someone, and it turns into something, I am not going to just going to run away from it, I will try to give it a chance. But in that same breath, when I do meet guys I let them know that I am not in the prepared for a relationship.  Enough about me. . .

So how many partners’ is just too much? I feel that maybe it may not be about the number but how one feels after, or how people perceive you. Because with certain people ten may be an enormous amount and now your friends look at you like a dog or slut, but in other groups this may be a diminutive quantity. I believe that each individual knows their limits and when they feel disrespected or uncomfortable then it’s time to stop and re-evaluate your situation.  Read the casual sex myths by Rachael Kramer Bussel she agrees with me.  WRAP IT UP!!

-SM-

Why do EVEs become distracted by Sex?

Why do EVES become distracted by sex?

[Erotic detal from the base of Lakshana Tempel ...

Image via Wikipedia

What do I mean by women becoming distracted by sex? Well, I mean that women will CHOOSE to ignore the most obvious negative attributes of a man if he has a large penis and is able to satisfy her. Can sex ever really be so good that you forget that you pay for every date and pick him up in your car, that he has three children whom he does not take care of ( Or he pulls an ANTONIO CROMARTIE), that he never completed high school, that he does not know the difference from “sum” and “average”, that he is thirty-five and a “Team-Member Chili-head” at Chili’s Bar and Grill (this was kinda rude, I was a chili-head), he thinks its fancy to wear his fresh-to-death J’s to a nice event, and the largest word he know is copasetic. I have to ask again, is sex really ever that good? Apparently so! You would not even believe how many women I know who bang GUISE with those past credentials but they either don’t notice it or ignore it. Lets be honest they ignore it! Okay so now we know the answer, but why? We could look at female sexual dysfunction, which is a disturbance in or pain during the sexual response, this includes four categories:

1. Hypo-sexual Desire: the persistent or recurrent deficiency of sexual fantasies or thought and/or lack of receptivity to sexual activity

2. Sexual Arousal Disorder: the persistent or recurrent inability to achieve or maintain sufficient sexual excitement, expressed a lack of excitement or lack of genital or other somatic responses

3. Orgasmic Disorder: The persistent or recurrent difficulty, delay or absence of attaining orgasm after sufficient sexual stimulation and arousal

4. Sexual pain disorder: Sexual pain associated with sexual intercourse! ( THIS SOUNDS HORRIBLE)

Approximately, 40 MILLION women are affected by Female Sexual Dysfunction between ages of 18-59, and this dysfunction increases with age.

  • Married women tend to have a lower risk than unmarried
  • Hispanic women have lower risk than all races
  • European American women have lower risks than African-American women

So how does this information help understand the initial question?

I’m assuming the 40 MILLION women who are affected by this horrible dysfunction are so traumatized that when they find someone who can relive them, they refuse to pass up the opportunity regardless of the GUISE situation. His “oh so” horrible and traumatic situation. You know, traumatic to the women they are using! I guess I can sympathize, I would not go as far and empathy though because I still can’t fully understand and grasp settling for someone just because he has a nice Johnson. But what about the other 115.8 MILLION women (***Math time*** 155.8 – 40 = 115.8) who are not affected by FSD! I really think that it is more than just sex, it has to be about the false affection that they are receiving during those awesome 15 minutes. Maybe I can grasp JUST STRAIGHT sex but lets stop there, do NOT try to make a real relationship based on good sex, especially when he thinks 1×2 = 3 (Just so you know I met a guy who really thought that was true and somehow he made it through undergrad WTF people). HAPPY BANGING!!

-SM-

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